Using Compassion to combat body comparisons
How often do you find yourself comparing your body to that of a friend or peer? Someone on the internet who looks so beautiful, someone in the limelight who seems to have it all, someone else at the restaurant who just looks so....happy?
"If only I had long legs like hers."
"I could never pull off that dress."
"She looks beautiful in that, but I could never wear it. Life must be so easy for her."
"I should work out more. I should seriously eat less. If I could just get myself under control, I'd be happier like her. I'd get more attention. I'd be happier."
Comparisons can lead to body dissatisfaction, negative self talk, restrained eating, and a whole lot of resentment and negativity toward ourselves and others.
In our body-centric world, comparisons happen all the time. They can definitely run wild when we're struggling with our body image.
And they certainly don't help us feel much besides negativity toward ourselves and resentment toward others, which tends to compound body image issues and ED behaviors.
So how can we stop putting ourselves down when we see someone we'd ordinarily consider a competitor? How do we stop devaluing ourselves in the face of someone we consider valuable? How can we stop the negative cycle?
Consider how it might feel to view the person you compare yourself to with compassion rather than competition. Shift away from seeing them as a competitor, or someone who looks better than you, but instead focus on the fact that you are both human beings. You're both walking on Earth together. You both have challenges, trials, successes & failures, hopes & dreams. You both are much closer to being one in the same than you'd ordinarily think.
When you catch yourself in a body comparison moment, instead of letting the negativity flow, what if we try something else? Read below....
(1) Notice yourself in a body comparison moment. Take a breath. Observe your thoughts. Sit with the feelings that your comparative thoughts created.
(2) Break the cycle: Anything negative directed at someone else - stop the thought and repeat: "May you be well. May you be happy. May you be free from suffering."
(3) Break the cycle: Anything negative directed at yourself - stop the thought. Intervene on it, and replace it with kindness or neutrality. "I don't deserve this negativity from myself. I don't want to put myself down like this. May I be well. May I be happy. May I be free from suffering."
This compassion-based intervention proved to lead to lower body dissatisfaction, restrained eating, and eating disorder-related comparison orientation in a 2018 study focusing on appearance comparisons.
The takeaway? Cultivating compassion for others may benefit your own body image and eating disorder-related behavior.
Study citation: Vimalakanthan, K., Kelly, A. C., & Trac, S. (2018). From competition to compassion: A caregiving approach to intervening with appearance comparisons. Body Image, 25, 148–162.
